Brotherhood without Borders

From My Readings Recently

Men need more platonic intimacy together. Brotherhood without Borders

"This is my sweet brother @intimatelyhuman. He has helped me move through so many of my negative associations with men".

One thing I hear over and over again from men is that they stopped receiving affection from their parents and their peers once puberty began.

There are many reasons for this. One is that testosterone decreases the ease of emotional expression so boys appear a bit more stern and shut down.

This isn't the case for all boys, but the ones who do have this effect are quite affected by it.

Another reason is the unspoken, yet deeply felt, fear of male sexual energy.

When a boy begins maturing into a man his own father's internal homophobia can cause the father to pull back kisses, hugs, and hand holding.

His mother may give him more space than she would have when he was younger because it's intimidating or harder to relate to them. One of the most important things for boys in puberty is touch.

Just consider this: boys start going into puberty and are treated differently by the people in their life. Then, in their isolation, they turn to porn.

So they're touch-starved, isolating, and spending hours (for most men and boys I've worked with) watching porn.

They begin developing in a dissociative state where the only touch is sexual self-touch in isolation.

This is no bueno and, I believe, contributes to developmental sexual trauma.

Whether it's competitive sports, dance groups, cuddling, or just simply walking with their arms around each other I hope more boys are encouraged and supported in normalizing male platonic affection throughout development.

For me, it has been life changing to have friends (especially straight ones) who are so comfortable with touch, hugging, eye contact, and affection.

It has helped transform the fear in my body around men into something more softer and trusting, and it has also helped me not see all male touch as sexual.

Meanwhile here's  a thoughtful and engaging blog post on platonic relationships between two men from ChatGPT:

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Title: Brotherhood Without Borders: The Power of Platonic Relationships Between Men

In a world where expressions of male affection are too often misinterpreted or boxed into narrow definitions, the beauty of a platonic relationship between two men is both powerful and undercelebrated. These relationships, rooted in mutual respect, deep emotional connection, and unwavering loyalty, are essential for mental and emotional well-being, but they are rarely given the spotlight they deserve.

What Is a Platonic Male Friendship?

At its core, a platonic relationship between men is a close, non-romantic bond that’s built on trust, shared experiences, and emotional support. Unlike surface-level camaraderie often stereotyped in popular media (think sports talk, competition, or sarcasm), these connections dive deeper. They allow space for vulnerability, reflection, laughter, and even tears, without the pressure of performance or the need to “man up.”

Breaking the Stigma

Cultural expectations and societal norms have long discouraged men from openly expressing affection toward one another. For generations, being “too close” or “too emotional” with another man was often mocked or misunderstood. As a result, many men grew up learning to suppress their feelings and limit their expressions of care to physical tasks or humor.

But the tides are turning.

Modern men are beginning to challenge the outdated narratives of masculinity. They are choosing to hug longer, listen more intently, and say “I love you” without feeling awkward or emasculated. In doing so, they are rediscovering the joy and grounding presence of brotherhood, one that isn’t tied to blood, but built through loyalty and love.

The Benefits of Deep Male Friendships

1. Emotional Support Without Judgment
   Having a male friend who truly sees and hears you provides a safe space to talk about mental health, relationships, fears, and aspirations.

2. Improved Mental Health
   Studies show that close friendships significantly reduce the risk of depression, anxiety, and loneliness, issues that disproportionately affect men who feel isolated.

3. Authentic Connection
   Unlike professional or romantic relationships, platonic friendships don’t come with performance expectations. They allow for genuine interactions and shared growth.

4. Lifelong Loyalty
   A true platonic bond between men can withstand distance, time, and change. These friendships often outlast jobs, relocations, and even marriages.

Famous Examples of Male Platonic Bonds

• Martin Luther King Jr. and Ralph Abernathy - Civil rights giants who not only worked together but shared a deep brotherhood.

• Matt Damon and Ben Affleck - Lifelong friends whose creative partnership and mutual support have spanned decades.

• Samwise Gamgee and Frodo Baggins (The Lord of the Rings) - A fictional example, but one that resonates deeply with real-world loyalty and sacrifice.

Redefining Brotherhood in the 21st Century

We are entering an age where male intimacy-emotional, intellectual, and spiritual is becoming normalized. The next step is embracing it openly, modeling it for younger generations, and affirming that platonic love between men is not only valid but vital.

To every man reading this: Reach out to your friend. Tell him you appreciate him. Don’t shy away from connection. You don’t need a crisis to open up-just a willingness to be real.

Because in a world that often asks men to be strong, silent, and stoic, choosing to love platonically is a quiet, radical act of freedom.

Meanwhile, here's the top five news of the Day 

1. Federal immigrant agent shooting sparks national anger
A U.S. immigration agent shot and killed a U.S. citizen in Minneapolis on Jan. 24, triggering widespread protests and political fallout. The incident — the second fatal shooting by federal agents in recent weeks — has intensified scrutiny of Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) and drew condemnation from local and national leaders. 

2. Historic winter storm paralyzes large parts of the U.S.
A powerful winter storm sweeping across the U.S. has forced thousands of flight cancellations (including over 10,000 currently reported), widespread power outages affecting hundreds of thousands of customers, and major travel disruptions from Texas to New England. 

3. Major U.S. flight disruptions due to weather
Closely tied to the storm, airlines have cancelled nearly 4,000 flights nationwide as conditions deteriorate, marking one of the worst single-day disruption events in recent history. 

4. Alex Honnold scales Taipei 101
Iconic climber Alex Honnold has completed a high-profile free solo ascent of Taipei 101, one of the tallest skyscrapers in the world, in a major achievement celebrated by the climbing community. 

5. Australian Open — Sabalenka advances
World No. 1 Aryna Sabalenka defeated Victoria Mboko to reach the quarterfinals of the 2026 Australian Open, a key early result in one of tennis’s biggest tournaments. 

Lastly, Did you Know that.....

In Ancient Rome, the middle finger had a name - "digitus impudicus" (the shameless finger). When Emperor Caligula wanted to humiliate his subjects, he would force them to kiss his middle finger. The gesture was so offensive that Emperor Augustus once banished an actor from Rome for flipping it to an audience member.

The Romans weren't the first to use this gesture though. Greek philosophers had been throwing up the middle finger since at least 419 BCE. In the comedy play "The Clouds," a character mocks Socrates by giving him the finger.

Ancient writers tell us the gesture was meant to represent male genitalia - with the middle finger being the phallus and the curled fingers on either side representing, well, you can guess. The Romans documented its use extensively, with poets like Martial writing about people using the "shameless finger" to insult doctors and enemies.

Even German tribes would taunt Roman soldiers by giving them the middle finger during battles, according to the historian Tacitus. Two thousand years later, this ancient gesture of disrespect lives on around the world.

Enjoyed Thai Food at Andaman Last Night

Ditas and I had a sumptuous dinner at Andaman Thai Restaurant located at Newell and South Carolina Blvd, Walnut Creek last night. The food was delicious and service was prompt. Ditas and I took some photos as follows:

Our Soft Shell Crab- Appetizer 

Our Seafood Feast-Calamari, shrimps. mussels, clams, white fish etc... 

Thai Pad-similar to our Filipino Pancit Dish 

    For Details visit their website: 

https://andamankitchen.com/menu/andamanthai-walnutcreek

Here's the AI Overview: 

Andaman Thai Cuisine

 is a family-owned restaurant in Walnut Creek specializing in authentic Southern Thai flavors, located directly across from the Kaiser Permanente hospital. It is highly regarded for its beautiful presentation, friendly service, and a menu that accommodates various dietary needs, including vegan and gluten-free options. 

Essential Information

• Address: 1560 Newell Ave, Walnut Creek, CA 94596
• Phone: +1 925-322-8667
• Hours:
  • Mon – Thu: 11:00 AM – 3:00 PM, 4:30 PM – 9:00 PM
  • Fri: 11:00 AM – 3:00 PM, 4:30 PM – 9:30 PM
  • Sat: 11:00 AM – 9:30 PM
  • Sun: 12:00 PM – 9:00 PM
• Website: andamankitchen.com 

Popular Menu Items

• Signature Dishes: Pumpkin Curry ($21.95), Pineapple Fried Rice (served in a hollowed pineapple, $18.95), and Pad Thai ($17.95).
• Recommended Appetizers: Fresh Spring Rolls, Chicken Satay, and Corn Fritters.
• Drinks & Desserts: Thai Iced Tea (often served with coconut milk) and Mango with Sweet Sticky Rice. 

Dining & Logistics

• Reservations: Accepted and recommended for weekend dinner or large groups. Smaller parties can often use an online waitlist.
• Parking: The on-site lot uses metered parking (approx. $2.00–$3.00/hour). Alternatively, the Broadway Plaza Parking Garage is nearby and offers the first three hours for free.
• Ambiance: Contemporary and cozy with both indoor and outdoor seating available.
• Service: Known for fast service, often seating guests within 10 minutes and serving entrees within 15 minutes of ordering. 

Meanwhile, Saturday Afternoon was fun with THD Card Making Activity hosted by capable Elane Johnson. I created three Happy Birthday Cards in less than 30 minutes. Here's the photo I took of my creation.  

Kudos to Elane for a well-coordinated activity on a beautiful Saturday Afternoon.

Discover Your Heritage- Carenna at Harvard

Discover Your Heritage💚

Have you ever found yourself wondering about the people who came before you, your grandparents, great grandparents, and the lives they lived long before you were born? For many of us, those questions get postponed by careers, responsibilities, and the sheer busyness of raising families. Retirement, however, offers something rare and precious: time. And with that time comes a unique opportunity to rediscover who we are by exploring where we came from.

Researching your family tree can begin as a casual curiosity and quickly become a deeply moving journey. Names on old documents transform into real people with real struggles, triumphs, and migrations. You may learn that your ancestors crossed oceans with little more than hope in their pockets, or that they worked the same land for generations before history pushed them elsewhere. These stories don’t just belong to the past, they live quietly within us.

For some retirees, the journey goes beyond research and becomes a pilgrimage. Visiting your family’s homeland can be profoundly awe-inspiring. Imagine standing in a village church where your ancestors were baptized, spotting your family name etched into a weathered gravestone, or seeing an ancient crest displayed on a castle wall that once represented your lineage. Even something as simple as encountering your last name on a street sign can send a shiver down your spine, a reminder that your life is part of a much longer human story.

If you’re not sure where to begin, modern technology has made discovering your heritage easier than ever. DNA testing services can provide detailed ancestry reports, offering insights into your ethnic makeup and pointing you toward regions your family likely came from. While no test can tell the whole story, these tools often spark meaningful questions and guide further research. They can also connect you with distant relatives you never knew existed, sometimes on the other side of the world.

What makes this exploration especially meaningful later in life is perspective. With the urgency of ambition behind us, we can approach our heritage not as a project to complete, but as a story to savor. Understanding the sacrifices and choices of those who came before us often brings gratitude, humility, and a renewed sense of belonging.

Discovering your heritage is more than a hobby. it’s an act of remembrance. It roots us in something larger than ourselves and reminds us that our lives are chapters in a long, unfolding narrative. Prepare to be surprised, humbled, and even awed by what you discover. The past may be behind you, but it has a remarkable way of illuminating the road ahead.

Meanwhile, Here's the AI Overview on this Topic:

Discovering your heritage is 

a journey that combines personal stories, historical records, and genetic science. In 2026, the process is more accessible than ever through digitized archives and advanced DNA technology.

1. Start with Yourself and Your Family

The most reliable information begins with what you and your relatives already know. 

• Interview Relatives: Speak to your oldest living relatives. Ask about full names, birthdates, locations, and family legends.
• Search Your Home: Look for family bibles, letters, scrapbooks, and military certificates.
• Record Details: Document names, dates, places, and relationships to serve as the foundation of your search. 

2. Build a Family Tree

Using a digital platform helps organize your research and offers "hints" based on other users' data. 

• FamilySearch: A completely free, massive database where users collaboratively build a global family tree.
• Ancestry: A leading paid service (with free trial options) that offers over 40 billion records and highly intuitive tree-building tools.
• Findmypast: Excellent for tracing British, Irish, and Commonwealth roots. 

3. Utilize Historical Records

Once you have names and dates, verify them using public documents. 

• Census Records: Federal censuses (like the 1940 and 1950 records) provide snapshots of where your ancestors lived and worked.
• Vital Records: Birth, marriage, and death certificates are essential for confirming family links.
• Immigration Archives: The Ellis Island Passenger Search allows you to find relatives who arrived at the Port of New York.
• National Archives: Archives.gov provides extensive resources for military, land ownership, and naturalization records. 

4. DNA Testing 

DNA tests can reveal ethnic origins and connect you with living cousins who share segments of your DNA. 

• Autosomal DNA: The most common test (e.g., AncestryDNA, MyHeritage) traces both parental lines back about 5–7 generations.
• Y-DNA and mtDNA: Specialized tests (available at FamilyTreeDNA) trace direct paternal or maternal lineages much further back in time.
• Ancient Past: Services like MyTrueAncestry allow you to upload raw DNA data to compare your genome with archaeological samples. 

5. Professional & Local Assistance

• Genealogical Societies: Local groups often hold unique physical records not yet available online.
• Hire a Professional: If you hit a "brick wall," organizations like the Association of Professional Genealogists or Legacy Tree Genealogists provide expert help for a fee. 

Personal Note:

I have searched my ancestral roots from both sides of My Family- My Father's side ( C(K)atague and My Mothers's side ( Balleza). My findings are documented in my blogs below.

https://chateaudumer.blogspot.com/2016/06/my-great-great-grand-parents-were-don.html

https://chateaudumer.blogspot.com/2021/07/my-balleza-ancestry-on-my-mothers-side.html

I also did searched the ancestral roots of my wife maternal side of the family ( The Nieva's): 

https://chateaudumer.blogspot.com/2015/07/chapter-4-ancestral-roots-of-nieva-clan.html

My Photo of the Day:

My Bonzai Plant has 3 small white Flowers.. Do you see the mini-white flowers? 

💚Speaking of Heritage, I am super proud to post this photo of my youngest Grand Daughter, Carenna Katague Thompson: 

 

Proud of Carenna- at the National Collegiate Research conference at Harvard.

Carenna will be graduating this May with Highest Honors ( Summa Cum Laude). I plan on attending that day.